


Getting Home

by cumberverse



Category: Half-Life
Genre: M/M, Yall we need more chumtoad appreciation with barney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cumberverse/pseuds/cumberverse
Summary: Barney's routine after getting home from work differs from most people. Like caring for your alien space frog and thinking about your dead boyfriend.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 120





	Getting Home

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is messy, I wrote this at 2 am and just cleaned it up.

The feeling of getting home after a long day isn't what you'd think it is.

At least it's not for one Barney Calhoun.

The first thing he does when he gets home is lean against his door for a few moments, enjoying the silence that radiates in his cramped apartment. He then stands straight and slowly removes the civil protection issued jacket, letting it fall to the ground with a thud.

With careful hands, he removes his pet Chumtoad from his shirt pocket. Sometimes it'll still be sleeping, and other times it's bright red-orange eye is wide open as it's ready to hop around and stretch it's limbs. Today is a mix of the two, it's eye blinks slowly and stays half lidded. Barney smiles as he goes to set it in it's nest.

After that he removes the rest of his uniform and changes into simple pants and a loose t-shirt. The shirt has long since lost it's smell, but the size of it is enough to remind the former guard that it belonged to his boyfriend.

He sighs softly. He'll never be able to say past or former boyfriend when referring to Gordon. It's been almost seventeen years since he saw Gordon's lifeless body being dragged away by soldiers. Almost seventeen years since Barney collapsed to the ground, his body shuddering violently from his sobbing. Almost seventeen years since the entire world changed and the small alien toad became his only anchor to the world.

And yet... he still can't think or talk about Gordon as a dead man. In Barney's mind, he's still alive somewhere. Waiting to come back. Back to him, hopefully.

Barney shakes his head and swallows thickly. No. He doesn't have time for this. He needs food for him and the Chumtoad. So, he gets to work making his rations into a somewhat edible meal.

The chumtoad eats the food happily, while Barney just picks at it. He lost his appetite for Combine food many years ago, and only eats it now because it's all he really has.

He tosses the empty food packets in the trash, and Chumtoad in hand, he makes his way to his bed. He sets the toad in it's nest, then he collapses onto his bed.

It feels good to be off his feet, all his weight being carried by his shitty mattress instead, allowing him to relax.

Today was a shit day. Between his drifting thoughts and the eyes of pleading civilians, he wishes he could just forget it all. To go back to Black Mesa. No, not even Black Mesa. The company could go to shit for all he cared. Barney just wanted his life back.

He wanted his life where he'd lay in bed with the love of his life, whispers being passed between them like they were kids at a sleepover trying not to wake the parents. The moments where he'd find any reason to see Gordon during the day just to see those beautiful green eyes light up opon seeing him. Where he'd be able to hug Gordon, and end up slow dancing to some old song in the middle of his kitchen. To forget the world and get lost in the mind and words of that brilliant physicist.

But life wasn't that.

Life now was waking up, eating shit rations and preparing for an even shittier job.

If only Kleiner co- Barney startled from his thoughts, the Chumtoad now sitting on his lap and croaking at him. It didn't have much in the emoting department, but Barney can tell it's emotions (however that may be, he doesn't know, he just has that Gut Feeling), and right now it seemed to be concerned.

He let his shoulders relax and brought a hand to the toad and gently pet it's back. "I'm alright, buddy." He says, gently, "Just thinking is all."

The toad blinks then flicks its tongue out, and licks his cheek. Barney laughs softly. "You always know how to cheer me up, don't'cha, Freeman?"

The chumtoad croaks in response and leans into his petting. A small smile finds its way to rest on Barney's face. He really does love this small creature with his whole heart.

He doesn't know where he'd be without it, but he definitely knows he doesn't want to even consider that possibility.

As the Chumtoad gets comfortable, Barney leans back against a pillow. He tries not to think, and lets himself just drift. But as he falls asleep, he thinks about how if Gordon somehow survived and came back to him, he'd probably find it real funny and just a bit insulting that Barney named an alien toad after him. The thought is enough to leave a small smile on his face.


End file.
